protected love

Have you ever loved something / someone, that it/they push you to your greatest limits & you decide to make that switch?

It’s when love turns into resentment. That sorta feeling.

Too much of that type of love without pointing a finger on who you are, what weight you can carry, or the values you stand for. It’s when you keep pouring your soul without filling it back up again, that you’re finding yourself burning fuel. You just keep going, Same day everyday & you reach a tipping point. Then you ask yourself….

“What is this all for?”

“What is the purpose? “

“Why work so hard to keep the fire & passion alive when there’s nothing that fills my cup anymore?”

All those questions!

This type of feeling is all so familiar to people who choose their circle and those who choose their passion.

This may be the type of love from a relationship.

However, in my case, my love with coffee.

4 years ago, I’ve gotten to a point where I was behind the coffee bar, crying in front of a regular. It was sad. I simply hated making coffee while being employed there. Nor did I ever want to work for any coffee shop ever again.

So…What is the point of this conversation?

It’s that I am realizing how I don’t want to hate and resent my purpose in life. Being of service to the coffee industry. My position as a business owner / manager / barista will continuously evolve as I create efficient systems that maximize our output.

I am honestly afraid to burn out.

My awareness towards my habits may be an advantage to a life I lead. I can quickly recognize now what I like and don’t like. Times when I stay in a place or position for too long exhausts the heck out of me. Something always has to change. Plus, I couldn’t run or do some morning exercise. I FEEL SO FAT.

4 months in working full time 5 days at the trailer was the most exhausting time I’ve had. I felt like a prisoner of my own business. During that time, I was creating the system for our service. Understanding what was wrong and how to improve immediately. Hiring was a scary part for me, but I knew that I eventually had to.

3 months after, I now have 1 employee & 2 in training.

I can finally go on a 3 day vacation! It was an inter island trip to Oahu. Baby steps :)

I was able to spend time away while the trailer was operating. I needed a breather & I cannot believe I got here.

There was excitement in finding new coffee places. Eating my favorite fried chicken. Seeing a friend! Having fresh conversations with fellow business owners / coffee enthusiasts. It was also fun doing nothing!

As we got back to Hilo, I found myself excited to serve in the trailer again. It was dorky. I just felt that I actually really enjoy the place I have built & not only see it as a burden. I see and feel that I am living a dream. Though the love & the weight it carries to have Pour Over the Rainbow is a very fine line, I am firm on making it a mission to keep that fire / fuel / passion alive.

Never straying away from sustainability, I am on a mission to keep my heart & mind healthy, so I don’t burn out. Cheers to never giving up. And as part of the process, learn how to step back, breathe & enjoy the fresh air.

I will do everything I can to protect this love.