help the determined

This seems to have never been the case for the help that I applied for.

2 Years ago, when I came back from Oahu & was zero-ed out. I had no money. It was Closet In Hawaii that has given me extra income to live while figuring things out for my dream in coffee. I then learned that I may be eligible for government assistance. I tried to seek for help, yet it showed that I was earning a certain amount of money that was not in the bracket of receiving help. I was trying very hard not to be in the shits, or be in debt. I only have enough, day-to-day. Yet, instead of changing the money I work hard for on paper, I simply decided to learn how to earn more. And I did.

Then Closet In Hawaii had some stability to it that it allowed me to build capital for Pour Over The Rainbow. While I was starting, a grant was recommended to me. I applied. From the very first month that I started, then to the next year I was mobile, then to the next year I was asked to apply with a coffee trailer on the way. My goal was to change my primary source of income from reselling aloha wear, to selling coffee. The first 2 times I applied, I was in need of money, yet I didn't pass the first 2 applications. On the 3rd try, I was asked to apply. I thought… maybe I have a chance this time. I passed the 2 rounds of paperwork and the initial interview, and I finally was able to present Pour Over The Rainbow to the panel.

I shared my process. I shared about Closet In Hawaii. The Revenue may have been 3 figures, yet the money left for me to use & live was below 50K. Yet, I only always have enough because of the capital I’ve been pouring to Pour Over The Rainbow. I shared my story. Pour Over the Rainbow’s purpose is not solely for the island. My dream is to serve those who work in the coffee industry. Maybe for The Philippines, or contribute to the world.

The grant would give monetary help & mentorship. I needed help. Monetary, is to pay for the equipment I needed for the trailer. Mentorship is because I believe that this program had credible women to learn from.

They knew how old I was. They were all impressed. I thought I had my chance.

But I didn’t get it.

I thought…. what did I lack this time? What did I do wrong this time?

I had my answer when I knew who they chose. They chose those who needed more help. I didn't have a child or elderly in my care. I am not a victim of circumstance. I've always managed to find opportunities in the challenge to survive.

Truly, I refuse to live like a victim. I am an immigrant who was granted the opportunity to choose what path I wanted. I simply didn't meet the criteria of the help I was seeking. And it’s okay. Now I know. Find help from people I look up to. Entrepreneurs who made it. People who didn’t drown in their incapabilities, but those who rose above it. Now I know, that when I start my foundation in 10-20 years, that I will help the determined.

Those who have no Plan B.